Im seeing a Dr Phil episode

I know....a former lover told me the other day how contradictory I am, so why does he bother to return to tell me? Guess, I better get it straight. Anyway, aside from telling me the obvious, what do you really think about married men?

YEAH TOTALLY!

This thread reminds me of a column in which sex advice columnist Dan Savage once discussed all the issues and problems in dealing with men who are married. His column ended with a wonderful double entendre, which he put in caps:

LET THEM FUCK EACH OTHER.

If one is seeking some kind of relationship with another person, I would strongly advise to find people who don't have other emotional committments.

I know.....I just wrote about being contradictory. My best friend told me the other day it'd be better if we lived in "A Brevae New World". While that world happens I'll guess I'll go on being my complicated self. Anyway, what do you really think?I was just talking to him and when the sex thing is pushed aside he can be a really neat guy...

Ew straight people in bed. 5 minutes of bad sex rife with complaints about how much it hurts. :) No thanks.

and only hot in theory. the reality is probably not so hot.

Thank you Stuart. My motto is:

JUST SAY NO TO DRAMA.

to me they're not quality people. i pity them but they're damaged to be going so long so falsely. those are not the kind of people i want in my life. friends or otherwise.

I dated a guy who was in the closet and had a girlfriend "for show"... i was more uncomfortable because there is this other party...a woman...who most of the time has no clue. I don't think gay men who fuck married men think about the "other" party...as if because she is a woman unknowingly (or sometimes sorta knowingly) in love with a man who is fucking another man. I always sense some kind of removal if it's another woman. I personally would not go there again...despite the fact my ex got the girlfriend during our relationship and not before. But, yeah.............. I tend to feel really bad for the woman involved and I wont allow anything else...

however i'm sure at least twice i've fooled with a married a guy who just didnt tell me he was married. One guy in particular way after the fact, I saw at a grocery store with a woman who certainly looked to be his spouse. I kept thinking.... "Gosh...does she have an idea her husband likes to get fucked...and likes to swallow Semen?" ahem! My semen.

ha!

>> If you fall in love with a married person, you are competing with the spouse for time and affection, and somebody's bound to get hurt.

EXACTLY.

"fucking" (as in no-strings-attached "casual sex" with) a married man is one thing.

getting emotionally involved with him is another thing entirely.

Carlos, you are setting yourself up for shitloads of pain if you are looking for any kind of romantic "relationship" with a married guy.

i personally prefer not to get involved with a "married" man unless his spouse is cool with it. a man who would lie and cheat on his spouse isn't someone i would want to connect with sexually.

i myself am not into monogamy, but i respect other people who are and i think that monogamy is a healthy choice for many couples. but this world would be better off if people who wanted to fuck around would stop pretending that they're willing to be monogamous and instead admit openly that they want to be sexually involved with more than one person. . . .

That's ok, I can handle rejection on both counts.

Sob.


Now, where's the number of that therapist......?

:))

i've fucked plenty of married men, men married to all genders. sexuality is so fluid and we live unfortunately in a world where privilege gets assigned to certain relationships and others get criminalised and trampled, so how we choose to identify and live does end up being more than just a personal matter. i mean i've fucked plenty of guys who identified as "gay", but were as conflicted about their sexuality as most people assume het-id married guys theoretically are. and i've known men who id as het but who get off on watching other guys piss and and have hung out with the wives of guys i was fucking. i've fucked gay guys in longterm relationships with another man who would never acknowledge me when they were with their partner; i've known plenty of couples of all sexual labels who played around behind each other's backs and bi men and trans men who play with a broad spectrum of partners in different kinds of relationships. i used to systematically refuse to have sex with anyone in a relationship if the other partner did not know; i have since revisited that policy because i figure that the issue is their communication in the relationship, not me as their relationship coach; if i've got something they want and enjoy, why not? maybe i've been particularly fortunate to deal with men who enter into it knowing that this is a sex thing. if i meet someone in a sex club, how do i ever really know if he is telling me the truth? is it the phantasy of the moment? i've also enjoyed fucking married guys because in my experience, they haven't developed unrealistic expectations from our sexual connexions. i once had a wife tell me that her husband was much more pleasant after we hooked up. and i've been with guys who spend a lot of time telling me how unhappy they are with their male partners, and who have reasons for staying in those relationships. now it's true, i used to spend lots of energy critiquing and analysing those reasons, but that was also when i was invested in getting something from those guys. once i got to a place where for myself i could have chillingly hot sex with someone without obsessing about how i could make it happen again and again, i started to see how for me, my need to have clarity about someone else's relationship was because i wanted to leave myself space to have a relationship with them if i started to grow "attached" to them. once i let go of that, i started to experience them all in a different way. i guess all of that is to say that i don't have any easy answers and know i'll probably get skewered on here (and i just joined!), but for some reason i decided to put my feelings out there: i happen to get turned on by topping older, married men and they seem to enjoy it too.........

Cheating = Lying.

I have no respect for liars.

wow! to be totally honest i don't think i've ever played 20 questions with a guy before fucking him!!! and i doubt that y'all have either. besides if you don't really know him: HE COULD BE LYING.....

come on. be honest how many of you have actually asked every guy you've ever fucked the following :

are you married??

are you bisexual??

have you *ever* fucked a woman?

are you lying to me??

stop and think about it: if you've you've ever cruised for anonymous sex, then possibly maybe you just might have had sex with bisexual and married men...

ps. these days i refuse to fuck a married man unless i can fuck his husband too ;D

These arent Self righteous thinkings on our part Thunercat
They are COLD HARD FACTS about "Married Men having sex with Men"
First..why marry a Woman and sire her children if HE knows HE likes Cock?
A "Married Man" is supposed to love ONLY HER..so why is he taking our cocks up his Ass?
Why does the Married Man NEED Cock,when he has a beautiful Woman at home?
What is wrong with his thinking,if a Pussy does not sexually satisfy him and he needs to suck a Man's cock in his mouth or up his ass?
And the married Man who has unprotected anal sex(up his ass!) with multitudes of Gay Men is placing HIS WIFE and their Children at risk for a LOT of STD's,becuase they can get them from HIM.
I have Zero Respect for married men who cannot be satisfied with their own WIFE and need US to fill their sexual void.

Sorry dude... I know exactly what this guy is going through, except I did the RIGHT thing when I left my wife and then and only then did I go with guys. He has to shit or get off the pot... can't have that cake while is shoving it down his throat yadda yadda yadda.

I would like to add that maybe it would be easier for this guy to come clean and come out if the "gay" community would stop treating us closet cases like pariahs and more like the confused, scared homos that we are. Coming out later in life is like trying to learn to swim at age 50 and being terrified of the water yet still jumping in... and then, you see a lot of people who could help you through it but really they either run away from you or laugh at you, but aparently some them fuck you while you are still in the closet and on dry land.

Whoaah!
People!
First up: I am not a "militant Gay" Just a guy sick to death of hearing about all those "shattered lives" in hetero marriages with a bisexual spouse that should never have married in the first place. If a Man is bisexual,by his own human NATURE(the psycology of what makes a person a Bisexual) he/she cannot "choose" one sex partner,they must have BOTH,so why make any committment to ONE? If you know you need both sexes to be sexually satisfied,then "Monogamy to one" is something you cannot do. A marriage of any kind(gay/straight) is a COMMITTMENT to ONE person only,not a license to be with 'anyone of your choice'.
As JJ pointed out,It IS unfair to all people,the cheating spouse(becuase he cant have what he wants wich is "Both") the Wife for betrayal,and the children for the embarrassment and humiliation that often comes along with learning that "Daddy Likes Men". VERY FEW Children can(nor should they have to) Deal with that.
The bottom line here is absolutally true: If he knows he wants cock,then DONT commit your love to a Woman,stay single and play both ends of the playing field. Bisexuals have to live a somewhat "double life",at least don't mess up another life with your needs of both sexes for your sex.
and Selma
Not "everything" needs Links. I Googled "The National Divorce Rate" and more than two dozen websites popped up,with the "statistics" below.

Well I'm married but we're poly and queer and share a boyfriend and more so judging by the posts, I'd be fair game.

It's ALL about whether someone is out and open about the relationship they want to have with you. As long as that person has a primary partner it is critical to me that the partner is aware of me and the relationship.

There are lots of guys who given another situation might be fun to play with but if they can't come out to their wives I'm not interested.
This goes for gay guys in a LTR too and I do know some of them who would like to play on the DL.

Hugs,

Rig Daddy

AMEN Joel.

That goes for the bastards in California too.

And girls, if you live in California, you'd better check up on your man because he is on the internet trying to poke me when you ain't looking.

BARF.