I'm quite interested to see the responses to this:
Do you care if your partners are poz or not?
If you are Poz....how do you feel about dating negative or other guys who are Poz?
Do you have a prefrence?
It seems like every other guy i meet in the city is POZ. I've said many times before that being in SF for me nowadays is like being in an alternate reality where all that is quuer is amplified. HIV/AIDS being a central concern for many gay and bi men and women, i wonder what the opinions of this tribe are towards issues of disclosure, dating and the impact AIDS/HIV has on your personal life right NOW.
Do you care if your partners are poz or not?
If you are Poz....how do you feel about dating negative or other guys who are Poz?
Do you have a prefrence?
It seems like every other guy i meet in the city is POZ. I've said many times before that being in SF for me nowadays is like being in an alternate reality where all that is quuer is amplified. HIV/AIDS being a central concern for many gay and bi men and women, i wonder what the opinions of this tribe are towards issues of disclosure, dating and the impact AIDS/HIV has on your personal life right NOW.
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Unsu...
Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Sun, November 12, 2006 - 6:34 PMI'm HIV and Hep C negative (and am immune to A and B, but I wouldn't push that particular boundary).
Hep C and herpes bother me more than HIV at this point. I'm safe, I demand others be safe, and I just assume that everyone's blood is out to get everyone else's blood. I already have a compromised immune system due to prosthetics and a number of other issues, so if a person has any communicable (non-STD) illness/disease (a slight cold, even), it's a pretty certain thing that I'm going to catch it simply from mouth-to-mouth contact, and that I will be affected by it three or four times longer than were the givers. I have to consider these things.
I believe that if you have an STD that it is your job to say so, but I also believe that if you do or do not have any STDs it is your job to ask. It takes two, and the responsibility for honesty and transparency is equally shared in these encounters. It's not a one-way street.
But, do I really care if my partner/one-night-stand/whatever has HIV? It's a poorly worded question... I care deeply for people, so I definitely care in a very empathetic manner if someone has HIV; it hurts me because it is a real life-changer. That being said, as far as sexual partners go, their HIV status is not of concern to me. -
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Unsu...
Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Sun, November 12, 2006 - 6:38 PMA bit more, maybe...
A few weeks ago someone planted an unannounced lip-lock (with tongue) on me when I was drinking beer and playing pool. They had tonsilitis. I now have tonsilitis for the second time in my life.
So, HIV? That is so incredibly preventable as to be a non-issue with me. But, those other bugs? It is a crap shoot. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 14, 2006 - 5:52 AMknowledge is power. i've had sex with several HIV + men, and always played safe. i remain negative, (as of my last test, 2 months ago) and plan on staying that way. i ALWAYS communicate with anyone i choose to share my bed with, and ALWAYS play safe. hell, i used condoms when it was still safe to play naked. i have a foreskin and hate poopie under it. heh. i think that saved me from getting HIV. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 14, 2006 - 9:40 AMI believe it is the responsibility of both (all) parties involved to disclose their status and make apparent any concerns they might have. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 14, 2006 - 11:01 AMToday it isn't just the issue of HIV/AIDS there are SO many other bugs out there that as Boyelektric pointed out,discussion of them is paramount before ANY sexual encounter.
Here is a "Partial List" of what's out there waiting to strike the unsuspected/uninformed:
AIDS/HIV(the HIV Virus Itself)
HPV(Human Pappilloma Virus)
Herpes Simplex Virus both 1 and 2
Ghonnoreah
Syphillis
Hepatitis A B and C
hairy Tongue(a viral pappiloma fungus of the Tongue)
Pneumocystus Cariini
Thrush(another viral fungus on the tongue)
Kaposi's Sarcoma
Damn! Kinda makes you think twice about having sex doesn't it?
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 14, 2006 - 11:10 AMI for one do. I am allergic to latex, and can not use them. Even the dentist has to use vinyl gloves in my mouth. So, I have made a rule, I don't play with poz guys. I can't, I have no real way to protect myself. There are other condoms out there, but they have not been independently verified by outside labs. I know that non anal types of sex are just as valid. But I don't even want to risk it. I know guys who only blow other guys with a condom on. Or use a dental dam for rimming. I can't use these things. So I came up my no-poz guys as a response. At least until the other types of condoms/dams etc.. are verified to stop the virus.
AAOO (Sean) -
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Unsu...
Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 15, 2006 - 9:06 AMLet's hope your partners are being honest.
I simply assume anyone I'm playing with is positive; whether they say yes or no. That way I don't worry about it.
Peace,
Jim
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 15, 2006 - 8:56 AMJake, your grasp of disease is a bit cloudy. I work for one the NIH-funded Centers for AIDS Research and you are on target in your safe sex message, but you are dispensing mis-information as well. PC and KS are opportunistic infections, most people in developed economies are at no risk for KS or PC unless they HIV. Trush is Candiasis and, again, an opportunistic infection. These are not lurking threats in an of themselvs. You can get vaccinated against Hep A&B. SF DPH routinely funds free Hep A&B vaccine outreachs to the gay, asian and latino communities here and our rates of infection are significantly below the national average. The new HPV vaccine has tremendous efficacy, an unheard rate of almost 99 percent, and is being recommended as a childhood vaccine. Hairy Tongue is another variation of candiasis. People with healthy immune systems do not need to worry about PC, KS (unless they are middle-age men of near easter descent, in which case there seems to be a genetic predispostion to KS)... You also left off Chlamydia and it's new variant, Lymphogranuloma Venereum (LGV).
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 28, 2006 - 5:05 PMjake, that's your first post that didn't turn me on. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 28, 2006 - 6:06 PMSorry Wet Spot
I guess mine can't all be tittilating.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 15, 2006 - 4:08 PMI hope both of you are being honest with your health" status"( Being forthcoming honest may not pay you off for your relationship but at least you can sleep better at night because you haven't lie to others.) As far as dating game goes, I am really clueless about how you can date others( I really think this health issue should be a major concern but not the soley concern. ) After all, you can never determine whom you fall in love with),right? As for me, I rather know that upfront instead of finding that out later( If I really love my partner, his status may not interfere our relationship. Maybe I am naive at this point. But one thing I know for sure if I date a guy who knows he is HIV poz or has other STD without telling when we first date, I will so pissed off by the time I found out and I will definitely end whatever relationship I have with him for his dishonesty.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 15, 2006 - 4:18 PMyes. HIV, the Heps, and Herpes are at the top of my list. HIV especially, because despite all the pc propaganda and a few exceptions, it is essentially a death sentence. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 15, 2006 - 5:17 PMAgain, with misinformation and HIV. It is not PC propaganda Micheal. Epidemiologic data is sufficient to demonstrate an average lifespan of 24 years now (from initial diagnosis of AIDS, not HIV infection. It is, however, exfrickin' expensive, between $600K and $800K over the individual's remaining life. And, there are tremendous health consequences that result from the cocktail regimens (cholesterol levels off the hook, giving HIV+ men the heart profiles of 70 year-old bypass survivors). The next generation of inhibitors (integrase) may stop replication earlier but there are current concerns about molecular level interactions. It is a serious, serious disease requiring tremendous medical intervention and it is still 100% fatal. But so is being born.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 15, 2006 - 5:43 PMYes, that is why I ring a bell and cry out "unclean! unclean!" whenever entering a public establishment....
No more feeble witticisms, it should be of concern to all playing the sex game.
And to whomever said that HIV is a "death sentence," so is breathing. I'm HIV+ and after a rough initial bout (due to my stupidity that all those "full labs" every year at my annual physical naturally included HIV testing) a couple of years ago, including a bad brain infection and immense loss of weight and strength; noone would know my status unless I tell them. I "look just like anyone else". Isn't that a crappy thing for people to say about someone even if it is well intentioned?
It is a nuisance in my sex life and the expense of drugs. It is a nuisance due to people not wanting to employ me -- more out of concern for health insurance costs for them than HIV phobia, I think or else a false image that I will be having a Bug Chaser Party in my classroom -- I am 45 years old. I have my friends, my family, my writing and a new volunteer job as an editor/writer for a major national progressive PAC. I don't have to ring a bell before I have a meal or a drink or flirt with someone, but if someone is going to be judgemental against my status, then "Adios" is all I have to say to them. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Thu, November 16, 2006 - 10:44 AMI have to concur with Neal on this one guys!
I also have been living with full-blown AIDS since 1981 I am healthy(at the moment) and YES I do inform all potential bedmates of my status, in general I have found that HIV neg Gay men don't wish to befreind the infected populous so they all know anyway because we are all in the same status.
To say today that AIDS is a Death Sentence is incorrect. It "Can Be" but for many individuals it can also be a somewhat controlled disease with todays anti-retroviral regimens and it is not an automatic death sentence.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Thu, November 16, 2006 - 11:02 AMi consider myself HIV neutral. the fact that even in this day and age anyone would regard HIV as a "death sentence" reveals that there is still way too much AIDS-phobia among queers. it really sucks that sometimes guys who are poz are rejected for being poz.... i'm also amazed at the number of guys who are willing to have bareback sex with a guy who tells them he is "negative"
it's important to me that some of my lovers identify as poz.... and i only know because they told me. i've never asked any of my lovers their status... whether a partner tells me that they are poz or negative i'm still gonna practice safer sex with them: sometimes a person thinks they are negative, but they don't know. the only way to know for sure is go get tested with a lover... and few guys i know seem willing to do that -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Thu, November 16, 2006 - 5:19 PMSoo, if you're rich or live in a rich country it is not a death sentence. HIV is not that bad, it is controllable--like psoriasis, or a heart condition. I'm concerned that by minimizing the negative aspects of HIV, a lot of young people will get the wrong idea how debilitationg it can be. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Thu, November 16, 2006 - 7:45 PMOkay, here I'm with you Micheal. I fault the drug companies for all the AIDS meds adds that absolutely do not reflect the reality that the drugs are hard on your system. And there are quality of life issues around meds and side effects, and those shouldn't be minimize. And its not like psoriasis or a heart condition. If you misuse, abuse your regimen, resistance can occur. Wild type HIV (depending on the person who infected you) can reassert itself and it is much more virulent. Some of the side effects can be fatal without AIDS being diagnosed.
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Unsu...
Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Sun, November 19, 2006 - 4:49 PMas I understand it hiv still transmutes into full-blown aids and kills people. The drugs simply delay the process. Also, the virus as it was contracted in the early 1980's is/was a lot less virulent than the current hiv strain which is far more potent.
The death rate or the manner of death seems to be subteranean to most people's consciousness now i.e. it no longer rates a mention in the general media. The last report in the gay media in my city was that infection rates were on the rise again, mostly amoung younger guys.
Ifecting people with aids is one of the lowest acts a person can commit. Please get tested after any unsafe sex practice, don't cheat on your partners ( and if you do telll them!) and for fuck's sake don't pass it on if you have it! -
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Unsu...
Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Sun, November 19, 2006 - 4:52 PMoooops, to answer the question, no I don't care what the status is of my sexual partner, I assume they are poz and if it develops further than sex a poz status wouldn't prevent me from liking or loving that person. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Sun, November 19, 2006 - 5:40 PMI am hiv negative. The Berkeley Young Mens Health Study told me I was one of the rare few that have been exposed to it and my body fought it off. I forget what they called it. Basically it's like I'm immune to it. I try play safe anyway. But I hate condoms and sont put a condom on a dick to suck it. I will top without a condom and bottom with one. And yes I have bottomed without one. I like to know my partners status. I will be with someone if they have hiv or not. I have found that alot of positive men will not be with me because they dont want to give it to me. That's commendable but sometimes frustrating. I could be wrong but I tend to disagree with Jake about hiv negative guys not wanting to befriend positive guys. I'm sure there are assholes like that but I like to think they are the exception not the rule. I was sitting in the steamroom at Golds once and these two assholes heard my mechanical heart valve ticking and got all freaked out and moved as far away from me as they could and just stared at me in disgust like I was some freak. I like to think most people are not like that. I use to worry about prolonged heavy kissing and precum and I would go through times where I didnt want to have sex with hiv men. My hiv friends would tell me they didnt think I should either. But then I feel like I will never have sex again because who the fuck doesnt have hiv besides me?!!! I have read in POZ magazine & other places about gift givers and bug chasers. I of course want to remain negative. It is upsetting sometimes though to feel like an outsider or like people look at you differently because youre not poz. Or when they assume you are positive and comment on me being such a slut they assume I'm spreading it without concern. The types that don't believe when you tell them youre negative. Like youre lying. Or if they do believe you they act like your the last negative person on earth and become over protective of me at the Bear Hugg party or wherever. I appreciate concern but I know the rules of the game I've been playing for over 23 years. I started sucking the massive cock-us-maximus when I was 15. YUM!!! I'll never quit! Ha ha ha!!!! <-------evil insane joker laugh : ) -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 10:15 AMI got you beat Marvin
I took my first adult mancock in my mouth at the tender age of 13!...and LOVED it ever since!
I'm not sure why but it has been my personal experience(and mine only) that Hiv Negative Gay Men do Indeed avoid me,so much so that now I don't even pursue anything with the HIV neg Gay Male population. Ive never been a Bug Giver and I inform EVERY possible sexual contact of my Poz Status,yet Ive been repeatedly referred to as a "spreader of my disease" just becuase Iv'e had Hiv since I was 21 years old(29 years). There is quite a growing crowd of Neg Gay Men out there that think they are in some sort of "Hiv Negative Club" becuase they have so far been lucky enough to remain Hiv Negative.This "Club" of their's is becoming as yet another arrogant little Clique among the Gay Community and its pretty Ugly. -
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Unsu...
Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 2:08 PMI just can't abide by the HIV-negative group-think that dehumanizes a person because they caught a virus...I don't even understand the mental machinations necessary to dehumanize someone like that.
It's a farging virus! How did viruses suddenly get moral value judgements attached to them? Arggh! Idgits, the lot of them. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 3:29 PMI think that's what makes this disease so difficult. One the one had I am aware of the moral judgements involved with HIV and the way it is contracted ("nasty people doing nasty things"), and want to avoid that slippery slope. On the other hand, if you don't attach some kind of stigma to a behavior (in this case unsafe sex) it is difficult to discourage. I say this because before I met my bf ,I began to increasingly encounter people who rejected me when I wanted to use condoms. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 6:42 PMI have always thought it's fucked up how people judge others too. I have always looked at it as a virus. It's biological. While it's different than the flu or whatever it's not. I tell people if they say some bs to me about hiv that I think is wrong that it's not a judgement from god. That if people get the flu it's not a punishment for sin. It's just the fucking flu. And hiv is just what it is. A virus. Not a fucking thing to do with God. I do believe it was created by men to eradicate undesirables in Africa and globally. Population control that cannot be proved. Sorry to go off topic but I just want to know if anyone here has read Alan Cantwell - Queer Blood or John Rappaports Aids Inc? I'm convinced.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 9:03 AMpeople are afraid, so they try to convince themselves that there is a reason why they couldn't possibly get it. because they're a different kind of person from the people who do get it. straight people tried to do it by saying only gay people get it, black people tried to do it by saying only white people get it, gay people do it by saying only nymphomaniac tweakers get it. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 10:08 AMNo Matthew, there are subpopulations with genetic mechanisms that allow the body to mount an effective resistance to HIV. The population is small, phenomenally small, but it has been documented with rigorous protocols. Research is now focusing on these individuals to find the biomarkers that indicate the ability to recognize the virus before it hijacks the cell-division mechanism and begins inserting its DNA into the host cells. It's not a balm. These individuals do exist. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 11:36 AMI think there's a danger in this.
Those who feel or might KNOW for a fact that they äre "immuned" HIV shouldn't be sittin g pretty.... I don't know too much about the science of Non progressors but there still has to be the risk you could carry it over to someone else. I cant buy HIV being evaporated, totally fought off from the system until it doesnt exist.
and I think Mathew has a point... but I never heard of Blacks saying HIV was a white disease...
"" Blacks "" are dying in huge droves in Africa of this. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 12:41 PMMJ, absolutely there's a danger in any repeat exposure. We don't know how long repeated exposure to hiv, especially in the case of mucousal trauma (and that is both vaginal and anal tissue), occurs before seroconversion. We don't know where in the genetic sequence the neutralizing antibodies (not T-cells) reside. No one should consider themselves immune. There is always the risk of transmission (aka the Typhoid Mary syndrome), but current research indicates a weaker pathogenesis and infection outcome from patients already on the cocktail. However, if the elite controller/non-progressor is treatment naive then there is strong chance the virus is wild-type and could be highly infectious. But, since these patients have such low copies (below 50 ml), it's possible the virus could be overwhelmed in the host and not particularly pushy in terms of transmission.
Matthew is right about the stance of large sections of the African-American community seeing AIDS as a white disease (for decades). Emory U and UAB, both Center peers, have done profiles on the entire down-low phenomena (Did Terry McMillan help??) and how the culture of denial helped percolate the disease through the African-American communities in these regions. Please don't even get me started on Mbeki (South Africa's Prime Minister after Mandela). He has been publicly, repeatedly quoted as dismissing AIDS as a white man's disease.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 4:14 PMright, mbeki doesn't even believe that hiv causes aids.
and lots of groups were in denial about aids in america as well. that's why magic johnson getting it was such a huge deal.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Tue, November 21, 2006 - 4:07 PMwhat does that have to do with anything i said?
"No Matthew, there are subpopulations with genetic mechanisms that allow the body to mount an effective resistance to HIV"
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 7:02 PMMarvin, you belong in the elite controller/non-progressors/aggressive suppressors categories. Our center is currently looking at this population for genetic clues to what allows the body to succesfully identify and defend against infection. Consider yourself very, very, very lucky. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 7:15 PMThere is another guy I have seen on tribe that is too. I forget his name. He seems pretty cool and smart too. I don't think I'm all that smart but just know what the Berkeley people told me. I was a part of their study for years and they kept seeing me after I turned 30. They were studying men 21 - 30. I asked why they kept seeing me after I was 30 and they told me because they wanted to continue to study me. But then I moved to Pleasanton and they didnt have my address anymore. I didnt want to drive all the way to SF General for the survey & tests anymore. Even though they give you 30 dollars for about an hour as incentive to continue to participate in the study. If I wasnt poor I wouldnt take it but it was always nice to spend it at the grocery store. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 7:24 PMSteve Deeks is leading the elite suppressors study. They are using people from the SF city clinic and the PHP (at General). I totally understand your reluctance to travel from Pleasanton. However, should you be interested in participating in this new study, hit me up at work and I'll put you in touch with the study coordinator. pcampbell(at)cfar(dot)ucsf(dot)edu. No pressure, but dude you are a genetic gold mine. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Mon, November 20, 2006 - 7:27 PMSuch a gold mine I was born with a bi-cuspid aortic valve. lol I will private you my e-mail.
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 29, 2006 - 2:17 AMHey Mad,
While reading through this String of "Misinformation" and Illusion from EVERY Living Soul Here My Question to you is what Constitutes a ..................................................."STATUS"?
A Combined total of the Following?
*A Dubious Non Specific Positive Antibody test~
*A Non Specific T-cell Count~
* A Viral Load of Non Specific Cellular Debris~
* A Gender Specific Viral Infection~
IF this Is what Contitutes a so-called HIV $tatus then it's all in Vain,
Phillip also Mentioned that Jake was Providing Misinformation about PC and KS being Specifically Opportunistic Infections what He Failed to also say is that so-called HIV Negative People can get all of the Opportunistic Infections Labeled and Defined as AID$.
One More Thing I'ts Interesting the LA Gay Lesbian Center says HIV is a "Gay Disease" and at Another Forum I am dealing with some Quacks that CLAIM AIDS is a "Black Disease"...
I don't think the AID$ Cult can get their THEORIES Straight.
Sincerely
Tomás -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 29, 2006 - 5:08 PMTomas, for the majority of non-HIV infected people, especially in the western/developed world, KS and PC are non-issues. KS is predominantly a cancer found in middle-eastern middle men (predominantly being the major descriptor). KSHV, like many of the others herpes viruses, exists in most people and is inactive except for those who have a genetic predisposition or are severely immuno-compromised. Same for PC. Healthy adults with strong immune systems will not get PC. PC is found in the frail elderly, very young infants and is rampant across the developing world. They are non-issues for HIV-negative folks. However, for HIV-negative folks with other immunosuppressive conditions, said diseases should be a concern. But that was not part of the status question. From the tone of your questions, would I be incorrect in categorizing you as an AIDS denialist? -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 29, 2006 - 5:23 PMi think we have to seperate stats from reality. In reality, men do not know if they poz when they are poz because different systems react to different strains in different time lines.
Personally i don't flinch at the thought of contracting HIV if i know i am playing it safe...although theres tons of disinformation concerning being a top and barebacking. I did that ONCE.......... still bothers me.
To Tomas: well............. actually we are still piecing together information. This thread is meant to be one where we share our perspectives....and less of an informational gag fest. -
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Wed, November 29, 2006 - 5:58 PMThis is very, very true!
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Re: HIV today~Do you care about the status of your sexual partners?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 4:37 AMTo Tomas: well............. actually we are still piecing together information. This thread is meant to be one where we share our perspectives....and less of an informational gag fest.
Then.............Follow the Money....
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